This post originally started out as a comment in response to a comment, but turned into something so long that it might as well be a post. I need content anyway. Like everything else I do, it's basically just a rant, so if you don't like rants and you don't like statistics and you don't like (or hate) Mormonism then you should just go back to looking up porn or "The Best of Craig's List". Do whatever you want, I don't give a shit.
It started in response to the 11th comment to this post, which comment starts off with "Can I just say before we go any further". Here's my response.
Let's for once be honest about how many Mormons there are. This matters because, as you and I both know, many Mormons use the growth of the church as a testament to its truthfulness, and because eventually "the stone cut without hands will take over the Earth", or something like that. Never mind that such a statement, while supposedly scriptural, doesn't even make any sense. Like the words don't have any meaning when put together. It's like saying, "The dog with down under shall fire wood below the canopy." Oh well, there's always the simpler statement, "if it's not true then how do you explain the growth?" My mother has said that to me many times. Her faith is extremely strong and Jesus has rewarded her.
For our purposes today, a Mormon is defined as someone who believes in the differentiating tenets of Mormonism. Belief in Jesus not optional, but belief in the Bible is, since most Mormons have never even read it. Probably a good thing since the Old Testament is mostly a bunch of fairy tales anyway, and the Three Little Pigs is a lot more interesting - and plausible. But the 'real Mormon' by this definition must also generally attend his/her meetings. For argument's sake let's say they must attend at least 51% of all relevant Sunday meetings. Weekday meetings, home teaching meetings, visiting teaching meetings, fireside meetings, correlation meetings, Boy Scout meetings, fast offering collections, tithing settlement, weekly/monthly/yearly temple attendance, all are optional. So, in other words, we're setting the bar pretty low here.
We don't really know how many members there are because the church's leaders, who are mostly well-meaning charlatans or are brainwashed idiots (or both), keep that information secret. All we know is how many people have been baptized. And that number is probably about 12 million. But to avoid arguing, let's say it's 13 million, with 6 million of those in the
In the
Let's do a sanity check on this number: after ~200 years in its home country the church comprises .67% of Americans. Seems about right, since most people East of Colorado and
Let's do another sanity check just to be sure. Every two years the church sends out about 50,000 missionaries, so 25k per year, with probably 80%, or 20k of them, from the
Now let's go to everywhere else. We're doing that second since as we all know 'everywhere else' is far less important than the US, which is the world's greatest country and its superpower status is evidence that the Lord has blessed it more than any other country, since those other ones are all made up of secular pagans who are worth less in God's eyes, and by the way, none of them have a constitution that was inspired with things like our second amendment, which makes it easier to carry handguns around and therefore kill all those bad black people. Very inspired. It's great to tread upon their sad little lives with our spiritual superiority. After all, God (Adam?) picked Missouri as the Garden of Eden, and that's where his son Jesus Christ will come to when he comes again. All other places just don't cut it.
There are 7 million baptized Mormons outside the
So, out of 7 million baptized Mormons outside the
Since I was a missionary for the Mormons, spreading the Words of Jesus and Joseph Smith, I've been a member of local wards in
I've never been to
Now add to this the fact that in
And in the rest of the world - population 3 billion - the active, believing Mormons equal 3 million, or .1% of the population. So I now would like to ask two questions:
- Can we agree that there really aren't 13 million Mormons?
- Can you work with me to spread the truth to people? Just the truth, nothing else - which is that it turns out the stone cut without hands really isn't filling the earth at all. That in fact it doesn't even come within a country mile of keeping up with population growth?
This leads me to one of five conclusions:
1. God’s plan isn’t working right now for even a measurable minority of the world but it will. Later. Sometime later. We don’t know when, but a lot later. It has to work. We're talking about Jesus here. Have faith and you'll affect the outcome. It’s going to happen. 200 years isn’t long enough, God needs more time. I reject this assertion outright.
2. God’s plan isn’t working because he’s a dumbshit and his plan sucks. Highly unlikely but more plausible than #1. In this case I want a new God who knows how to help people believe. I’m not taking away free will here, I’m just asking for a dude that knows how to motivate people. The one we have now is utterly incompetent.
3. There is in fact a God but he really doesn’t give a shit if people join his “one true” religion, and in that case neither do I. That one makes a little sense given the facts we've just reviewed.
4. Mormon doctrines are untrue and – worse – just plain stupid. That's why almost no one joins the church or - if they do - the vast majority eventually get out.
5. #3 plus there is no god.
What other choice does any rational person have but to lean towards #4 or #5? All but #1 are possible but #5 makes the most sense. I would normally say right here that I ask God to strike me down if I’m wrong. But that tiny part of me says, “Why risk it?” That’s Pascal’s Wager talking. I guess it also means I’m not 100% atheist yet. I’m pretty sure I’ll get there though.
3 comments:
I have a statistic for you Dave - 90% of the participants in a gang rape are having a good time.
I cannot believe I write you this F**king fantastic six word doc page single spaced comment and you hit me with some irrelevant argument about the number of Mormons I had mentioned in the early part of my post. If you read my post it says that each one of the how many ever Mormons there actually are are living and beleiving things in their own way. That is what I said, I said nothing about who was and who wasn't comming to church, who really cares? Don't drag your Mom and her motherly love and prodding into our discussions. You robbed me Dave and responded to my comment by bringing up something your dear Mother says to you that you are obviously not happy with.
What about me Dave, respond to me. Get pissed at something I say. What about all of the Ancient Greece stuff and all of the other good stuff I had in there. You idiot, I hate you for this. You need to acknowledge and praise me for my humor and insights. That is the only reason I even like you or tolerate you. (That and I am waiting for Stasha to leave you so I can make her the first Sister Wife...take that one in nice and slow chump)
Now get back to your computer and give me a proper response you angry little man. What next Dave? You are angry and short (shorter then I am) and you live in France, are you going to cross the river and invade Poland? Germany? On to Waterloo Dave. You angry angry man give me something I can work with here...Statistics, who enjoys that? How about a quote from a true American Badass,
"There are three kinds of lies, Lies, Damn lies, and Statistics."
Mark "American Bad Ass" Twain.
You my friend are barely American, not all that bad, but are surely an Ass. NOW RESPOND TO ME WITH SOMETHING I CAN WORK WITH NOT NUMBERS.
Perhaps you need to take some Mydol, douchebag. A comment as brilliant as the one you posted deserves its own website, not just to be a comment buried on some shitty blog like this one. The whole world should read it. It also deserves a well-thought out response and I was simply distracted by the task of proving that there really aren't 13 million Mormons. I'm sick of people saying there are.
Now that debate about that issue is over, I shall turn my attention to giving your comment the respect it warrants. I'm working on it. Remember, patience is a virtue.
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