Elayne's Prom Was Magical

From Elayne:

I too must share MY prom story.

Let me set the stage: I attended an all-girl's prep school in Connecticut (omitted for obvious purposes). Enough said?

Most of my classmates/friends were of the old Yankee WASP stock, but they admitted the handful of Jews and Catholics so as to look inclusive. For the most part we all got on well, but there was a small clique of girls that were considered "trouble" - usually in the form of witty sarcasm and teasing of the less fortunate, mouthing off to teachers, the random smoking of cigarettes in the bathroom, and random criminal activity in the forms of shoplifting and fake IDs. I longed to be a part of this clique and achieved a middle-management position once I proved I could hang by enduring endless hours of hazing during school which culminated into a violent verbal beating a party in the woods one weekend. I did not cry.

I was cool with the position I achieved since moving any higher could have brought the wrath of teachers, parents, and worse from the clique. My lot in life is middle management to this day and there's definitely a strategy that I will share in a more relevant post.

Anyway, this group loved the idea of prom which meant a lot of liquor, weed, hallucinogenic mushrooms and empty homes. We were all dating or screwing guys from other prep schools so we had to plan the proper after-prom party which was decided should be at a friend’s lake house. We were all preppie, hippie chicks, so we had to be a cool place that allowed for skinny dipping and lack of parents. Don't ask me now, but back then it was a fucking awesome idea.

Backtrack - I decided I had to show up and show out to this prom so I had my dress made. Back then, Princess Di was hot, if and you remember the 80's, puffy shit was everywhere. So, my dress was a toned down version of Princess Di's wedding dress. I thought I was a goddess in it. I actually looked like Mrs. Staypuff.

So, the night of prom, the various shenanigans and debauchery are in progress - bottles of brown liquor in purses are being shared, heavy make outs on the dance floor, girl fights, etc. Our prom theme was Clapton's "Wonderful Tonight", which my mother thought was "disgraceful" since he mentions having sex in the song. If she only knew...

So prom ends and we pour out into the cars. To this day, I can't believe a SWAT team did not descend upon the event. Someone rented a van for the trip to the lake house. On the way there, the head bitch of this clique is getting piss drunk and very LOUD. She's going off on everyone, her date, best friend, etc. It's on and it's ugly. We get to the lake house and she's just relentless, screaming, throwing stuff, etc. I had it and decided as drunk as I was, she needed an ass whooping. This story is almost over.

We move outside and we start yelling. I am telling her what I had wanted to say for a long time peppered with as many expletives I could remember in my slurry state. Before I knew it, she caught me with a roundhouse that caused me to lose my balance and fall on top of a table. I got up - and without ever punching anyone - upper cut her in the lower gut with a ferocity and emotion only seen in Schwarzenegger movies. The force of the blow took me down again. She then stood over me and my Princess Di confection and proceeded to projectile vomit all over me and my puffy, expensive dress. At this point, the crowd is cheering us on. I think most of the guys were hoping there was going to be kissing, but the vomit ruined the moment.

She then picked me up and carried me to the lake. I was thrown over the dock and landed on the top of a plastic canoe, rolled off and into the water. My dress puffed up around me like a large life raft. The sleeves filled with water and basically, I started to sink like a big white anchor. All I could do was rip the dress off of me before I drowned. It was not pretty. Mad as hell, I climbed out onto the dock in my wet pantyhose and bra and wrapped what was left of Di around me like a towel.

My boyfriend was so turned on by the whole display, that he tackled me on the lawn and ejaculated on my left leg like a dog.