Friday, February 15, 2008

Notice the Pretty Diamond Heart Pendant

Otherwise, no words necessary. A diamond is forever. Very motivational.

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14 comments:

Elayne DeLeo said...

Maybe these boobs don't have a personality, but my own experience proves otherwise.

MY BOOBs have a personality. Know why I know? They've been having articulate, and from what I can tell, mesmerizing conversations with men since I was a teenager. And not just with men I know - no, with perfect strangers like the guy at JiffyLube, the guy standing next to me at Delta baggage check, my neighbor's yard guy, and even the president of my company. Many a day I recall conversations to my boobs with which I (Elayne, not my boobs) do not recall. Based on small flasbacks, these men were enlightened, educated, and even entertained by my boobs. Sometimes women speak with my boobs, but they usually lose interest or express disdain in these conversations; but, that's usually because a man interrupts their conversation to ask my boobs a question like how to get to the MARTA station or to come to my office to tell me they sent me an email right after they sent me an email.

My boobs rock.

1:50 PM
The Dude said...

This was better than almost every comment by Dave. You are one-upping him and I fear it's impossible for him to compete because he cannot offer the insights into the folly of men that you have so eloquently stated here. I loved this comment. Your boobs deserve a medal.

10:53 AM
Ploobus said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
8:20 PM
Ploobus said...

I don't know Elayne but even if I did I would be hard pressed to believe her outrageous claims without some form of proof. If pictures are not posted immediately I will be forced to call her (if it really IS a her) a liar of the worst kind.

Naked pictures are preferred.

8:24 PM
Ploobus said...

It seems as though I have little choice but to declare Elayne, despite her wonderful comments elsewhere on this site, to be a filthy, dirty, wicked girl. I mean liar.

I have to masturbate.

11:33 PM
Dave said...

Wait just a minute Dude. elayne is a phony. She totally ripped off the South Park episode I mentioned in a previous post. Articulate boobs that have conversations? That is lifted straight from Trey and Matt. I beg you to watch this creation and then crown elayne the queen of posts. Don’t get me wrong, I like elayne, she adds something to the blog that a pure sausage party would never be able to conjure. You need at least one taco to have a fiesta. Plus if it was just you Dude and wooget/Jesus Penis I would have to take anti-depressants just to hang out here.

Elayne is funny, cheerful and talks about her breasts and their mysterious power in a comical and endearing fashion. What’s not to like about that. That kind of candor and self realization is a rare quality in a woman. I wish she would have included some antidotes about when she used the power of her breasts for evil. Like all the times she used them to get men to buy her shiny things. All of her recollections paint her as the innocent victim. How about a story about the time you flashed the fun bags to get a passing grade in 9th grade Spanish?

Unlike that degenerate wooget/Jesus Penis I will not request any photographs. I will simply ask for more stories and use my imagination. It is better that way…believe me. If your breasts continue as a figment of my very active imagination they will take on a life of their own, they will be the breasts of legend. Move over Helen of Troy, here come elayne of Fountain Hills.

If you were to somehow fall under the spell of wooget/Jesus Penis’s call of “show me naked pictures of your tits” (and what girl does not swoon at the sound of that) and I did in fact see a photo of the twins I am afraid I would simply go out and compare them to the millions of other pictures of breasts that clog the information super highway and then you would suffer from comparison like you do when my posts show up next to yours.

Here’s to passive aggressive friendships and talking about breasts with an actual owner operator. Hip hip hurray.

PS – Don’t give up the fight wooget/Jesus Penis. You never know what a woman will do. Hit her with the “show us you tits” long enough and she just might crack. Don’t act like you aren’t surprised every single time a woman actually does agree to play touch pee pee with you.

BTW - Why did another post get deleted? WTF

2:54 AM
Ploobus said...

While correct, your statement regarding my surprise when a woman touches my love club is grossly misleading. In fact, I will happily lay the tome of names of the vast array of women who have had the pleasure to pleasure me against your children's book of guy's names any day.

And despite the fact that that sentence was difficult to follow and undoubtedly full of grammatical, syntactical, and spelling errors my point is still infinitely valid.

Having said this (and humbled you in the process), I do, in point of fact, experience surprise on the frequent occasion that I am the object of women’s lust. This is simply because I am lazy, fat, and unattractive. However, I recognize that my superior (dare I say penultimate?) intellect, animal magnetism, and undeniable dominance over all other potential mates drives women absolutely wild and ignites their lust in explosions of passion.

This, above all else, is the reason I was dubbed “jesus penis”—because my penis can do miracles.

3:34 AM
Dave said...

Wow wooget the more I peer into your mind through your posts the more I see you are a slightly tweaked version of the Dude.

While this should come as no surprise to anyone I find it quite facinating.

The fact you would use a paragraph to excuse any spelling or grammatical errors is quite revealing. Did your parents beat you if you didn’t ace your spelling tests? What is the deal with this fascination with spelling and grammar?

While there is some part of me that is humbled at your apparent ability to find various women who will allow you to violate their vagines with your anger. Sadly this part of me is the worst part of me and so humbling it is not saying much. Just like bragging about how many whores you can slam is not saying much.

How many people love you? That is something to be humble about. Just know this Jesus Penis, Love is the only true miracle. Things you do with your ‘love club’ can in no way equate.

Just remember this, Jesus loves you, even if you named your meat whistle after him.

4:57 PM
Ploobus said...

It’s interesting that you would refer to love in that way; it truly IS a miracle. When we see the objects of our affection, the dopamine-rich ventral tegmental area experiences increased blood flow and begins firing rapidly, stimulating the nucleus accumbens (the subcortical region that mediates motivation and reward) with increased dopamine production. This results in euphoria directly correlated to the individual or thing that sparked the activity to begin with; which fuels a self-propelled cycle of obsession, accelerated by the motivation/reward functions of the nucleus accumbens.

At the same time, the caudate nucleus kicks into gear (this is the structure at the interface of the orbital frontal cortex and the thalamus) creating a hyperactivity loop between the “worry” (the orbital frontal cortex) and the “arousal” (the thalamus) centers of the brain. This loop is perpetuated until the catalyst has been mitigated; specifically, this means that the object of our “affection” has been acquired and conquered.

The net effect of these functions is the arousal-obsession-fear-euphoria paradigm that we call love.

It’s miraculous. Like my cock.

Regarding The Dude, we are nothing alike. He is skinny, weak, ugly, unpleasant, and has an IQ under 75. I am ripped, herculean, beautiful, loved by all, and a genius.

Any perceived similarities are merely the product of your distrubed mind.

5:37 PM
Dave said...

I am both saddened and amazed at your ability to reduce the greatest human emotion down to a bunch of physiological psychobabble. Many things in life can be reduced down to their chemical compositions and analytical explanations like how and why flowers bloom, the sky is blue, and sunsets are red but how f**king depressing is it to look at everything in life that way. It is just no fun to always have to know and think about why things are the way they are instead of just letting things 'be' and enjoying them. It is absolutely soul sucking and f**ked up in life to think you know everything and have an explanation for everything. It may help you stay sane in some weird way but it makes you look like a brooding analytical douche bag to everyone else that has learned to just enjoy the world around them and see the beauty in it instead of the chemical composition. Wake up and see the beauty that is all around you not just the f**king chemicals. You need to look at life through the eyes of a child. They are the only ones who really have the whole thing dialed. I gave my 7 year old daughter one of my old digital cameras several months back and then I picked it up the other day and just looked at the pictures she had taken the last 6 months. Seeing the world through my daughters eyes was a truly beautiful experience. There were hundreds of pictures of flowers, neighborhood dogs, rocks, grass, friends of hers, little pet shops, the sun, the sky, the mountains, it was all so beautiful. I felt so much love for my daughter at that time. It was a feeling of pure joy and ecstasy that had nothing to do with acquiring and conquering. You will tell me all about the chemicals and brain loops, I see the whole thing in a completely different way. Shake yourself wooget, there is so much more to life then knowing things. Smile you mother f**ker and stop to feel the love not explain it.

BTW - I wonder when all of the insults we are lobing at the Dude will actually motivate him to get off his ass and write something.

4:43 AM
Ploobus said...

For the record, psychobabble is defined as: “Language characterized by the often inaccurate use of jargon from psychiatry and psychotherapy”. I feel compelled to point out that my definition of love has exactly zero to do with the study of the mind but rather has to do with the physiology and machinations of the brain.

And at the risk of sounding insensitive regarding your love and respect for your daughter (which I truly would never deliberately do) the reality is that children are hardly the standard when it comes to how one should live his life. They are hardly “dialed in”. Which isn’t to say that there isn’t beauty in the simple joys that they find in life a la your example. However, children are also selfish, short-sighted, intellectually undeveloped, and ignorant of the requirements for survival. They have the luxury of innocence because we, as their parents, protect them from the harsh realities of the world. And this is as it should be because we know that exposing children to the harsh realities of adulthood before their brains are fully developed and they are psychologically and cognitively capable of facing those realities will only damage their ability to find joy in life now and when they are adults.

The irony is that we understand these things not from our experience as a species (which DOES play a role, I admit) but because of our study of the human brain. Because of this study we understand that human children are born with brains that are incompletely developed as a response to overwhelming evolutionary pressures (which I would be happy to go into if you would like). And so our children benefit from our greater awareness of the realities of our biology and physiology and the world in which we live.

I could go on and on but I think I would simple be belaboring the point.

The bottom line here is that the lives of children (and the child-like adults who shy away from life’s realities) are made better by those of us who strive to better understand who we are and how we can best interact with the world around us. You see this in every possible arena from music and film to nutrition and health to large-scale politics and one-to-one interactions and everything in between.

Two final points:

First, personally, I look at love from the perspective I gave previously and it actually heightens the enjoyment and pleasure that I derive from the experience. I think this is largely because it validates those feelings when society would simply dismiss them irrelevant and simply physical attraction, puppy love, or some other unflattering label. Conversely, my way says that those feelings are just as rewarding and valid as any other and that they MEAN something. And yet my way also places them in context so that I don’t get so wrapped up in my obsessions that I make poor choices.

Second, and finally, my previous post was, above all else, meant to be humorous and ironic. And I’m smiling as I write this.

6:37 PM
Dave said...

For the record, that is why I combined the word psychobabble and physiological. I used this combination of words to convey that I felt that in your comment on love you were trying to mix something like fact and science (physiology) with something that has nothing to do with fact and science like psychiatry (psychobabble). I was trying to point out that you were basing your argument on something that you and others like you can only postulate about and do not really understand, i.e. how the brain and human emotion really work.

I choose to believe in the possibility that there is more to life then what we can explain with science. Science, even really good science has limitations. Let me give you a few examples. We have all ready mentioned dark matter on this blog so we can just as well get a little deeper and go on a little science bender and let me use big sciency words in a comment.

People as far back as the Greek philosopher Democritus believed that things were built up from irreducible pieces. Isaac Newton himself thought that light was not a wave, but rather a collection of tiny "corpuscules." Physicists have only recently acquired tools with sufficient resolution to see nature's inherent graininess. Here's a quick tour of the quantum underbelly of the things around us according to science.

Matter - If you split a banana, and then split it again, and again, and again... you eventually get down to cells, molecules, atoms. Each atom has a nucleus of protons and neutrons, with tiny electrons buzzing around. Both protons and neutrons contain three quarks. But the dissection stops there: electrons and quarks are the smallest pieces of ordinary matter.

How small are they? The electron is sometimes said be a few femtometers across (about a trillionth of a hair's width), but this is misleading. Electrons and quarks are more like puffy clouds than rigid balls. (It is just like the Dude tries to tell us wooget, the path to happiness is not in our rigid balls but in puffy clouds. He likes to throw in rainbows and unicorns but I am not sure why.) This puffiness is the result of unavoidable quantum uncertainty: You can't precisely know a particle's motion and position at the same time. If you try to hold a quark still, you would have almost no idea where it is. Such slipperiness makes exact size measurements meaningless. This proves once and for all SIZE DOES NOT MATTER. That was for you Dude, you can thank me later.

Light - If we turn our attention to light, we find that its seemingly continuous glow is actually composed of little bundles of energy, called photons. Don't bother squinting your eyes to see them, though: a 100 Watt bulb emits a billion trillion photons per second. So was Newton right? Light is a particle, not a wave? The answer is yes and no. Light acts like a wave when you do an experiment looking for a wave property (like scattering through a pinhole). It behaves like a particle if you test for a particle property (like colliding with electrons).

"You get what you ask for" is a common refrain in quantum physics. This is how I see psychiatry, you get what you ask for and nothing is certain when it comes to the study of the mind and why people do what they do.

Rotation - Particle properties can be "quantized" as well. Probably the weirdest example is particle rotation (what is called spin) which, by the way, is nothing like how a planet or a top moves. First of all, particles have only one rotation speed—they can't speed up or slow down. And second, the axis of rotation depends on how you look at it. In an experiment, one detector might report a particle's spin points North, while another detector might say East. And they'd both be right! See there can be two rights and no wrongs. What?

Gravity - The force of gravity has largely resisted this quantum tomfoolery. But some physicists believe that Newton's apple fell from its tree thanks to gravitons—photon-like particles that carry the gravitational attraction. Falling apples would not generate a lot of gravitons, but colliding black holes would. Detectors are currently looking for signals from these distant collisions, but it may be many years before any evidence for gravitons is found. If they find gravitons is will not be long before someone builds a Kolob detector. Possible but unlikely.

Vacuum - Even NOTHING acts strange at the smallest levels. The vacuum is presumably not really empty, but instead filled with "virtual" particles that constantly blink in and out of existence. This virtual reality follows from a quantum rule that says probable events influence real outcomes. More specifically, it is possible (though highly unlikely) for particles and anti-particles to pop out of nowhere and then quickly annihilate. Nobody ever sees this happen, but the sum of all this quantum probability is a real energy. This means that there is a lot going on when nothing is happening.

Space and Time - The above vacuum energy is not constant: it seethes and fizzles with bubbles the size of the Planck length. (Look it up wooget) This foam warps the fabric of space-time, blurring the answers to when and where. Essentially, the underlying geometry of the world is not smooth. Instead, there are "pixels" that cannot be further resolved. Particles do not move continuously, but instead make little quantum leaps from one pixel to the next. Such quantized space-time, though not yet observed, is the endpoint of smallness, as well as the end of this tour.

Do you still like the idea of using the scientific method to explain love. What about the limitations? As much as you and the Dude are very much alike, you and I wooget are very different. All I was trying to say is relax and just be happy. Try to enjoy life and not explain it. Cut loose my man and enjoy all that the world around you has to offer even if most of it is total folley. BTW - If you are sitting there pissed and thinking it is possible that I am smarter then you, I am not, I stole most of this, I just wanted to prove a point and I was too lazy to type it all out from scratch.

6:39 AM
Ploobus said...

Ahh Dave. How little you truly understand. Your views on religion are both unoriginal and apologetic. The reality is that religion provides the means to justify the persecution of those unlike us. Just read Leviticus. Hell, just read Genesis. How many were slaughtered because they worshipped the golden calf? The intent is impossible to ignore. More to the point, however, is the fact that the church preaches that people who experience entirely normal and natural feelings (such as homosexuality) are “unnatural” and must hide those feelings because if they don’t God will hate them. I struggle to understand how this isn’t innately hurtful to those people. But then, you don’t have that problem so it’s so incredibly easy for you to say that no problem exists. It’s like a white man telling a black man that racial prejudice isn’t a big deal.

As to the postulation that god exists I would offer the following two historical quotes:

“The religion of one age is the literary entertainment of the next.”
-Ralph Waldo Emerson

“I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.”
-Galileo Galilei

To the first I would venture to say with great certainty that you view the Greeks, Romans, and Norse versions of polytheism with, at best, respectful amusement; more likely you view them as the ludicrous imaginings of ignorant minds. We know that there are no gods on the top of Olympus. We know that Thor’s hammer is not the cause of thunder.

And yet we still believe that the son of the Chief God and a mortal woman (the Greek demi-god) was born of a virgin (Heracles, Dionysus, Vishnu, and Horus), walked on water (Dionysus), was raised from the dead on the third day (Mithra, Adonis), and ascended to heaven in a cloud (Heracles, Muhammad). These things are not only ridiculous but also stolen from other myths that existed at the time of Christ’s life (as indicated in quotes).

More to the point, Christ’s miracles cast a massive shadow of doubt on the likelihood of the Church’s veracity. Water to wine? But wine is evil. Devils into swine? But what of the spirits of the pigs and the harm that came to them? Multiplication of fishes and loaves? A stolen myth. The evidence is overwhelming.

But casting all of this aside, the most compelling evidence against the existence of god is his lack of impact upon the world. I know that you have never seen god or an angel. I know that you don’t know of anyone who has specifically claimed, to you in person, that they have seen god or an angel. I know that the wholesale slaughter of a quarter of a million people in Indonesia; the rampant occurrence of AIDS in Africa (esp those children born with the disease); ethnic cleansing in Darfur, East Timor, Botswana, Iraq, Niger, Kenya, Germany (WWII), Serbia, Kashmir, Congo, South Africa, Uganda, Chechnya, Rwanda, and Kosovo; famine; plague; and a host of other tragedies give lie to the existence of a loving, caring, and just god.

On a personal level, if god exists then he killed my little brother and my twin sons. And I have to tell you…if he truly does exists then I hate him with every fiber of my being.

As to the second quote, the belief in god requires a suspension of disbelief and a rejection of logic and reason that we would consider insane in all other aspects of our lives. The reasoning that religion uses is circular and self-proving. “Want it to be true with all your being, believe it’s true; then, after a time, you will come to know that it’s true.

If I claimed that my penis was 12 inches long and the thickness of a flashlight, gave you no physical evidence to support my claim, and used the above logic to support my claim you would to decline to believe me.

And I could go on and on and on (about my penis, which I love).

But I want to respond to other parts of your post.

I find it fascinating that you would plagiarize someone else’s work and then accuse me and others of postulating about what we “do not really understand”. It is untenable to accuse others of ignorance simply because you are either incapable or unwilling to do the work required to gain understanding.

This is, in fact, the fundamental defense of religion. Theists believe that what they feel is beyond reproach. They think that because “everyone” (everyone is defined as the people within their sphere) believes as they do a thing must be true. That it is self-evident. But they refuse to look at all the evidence. I frequently hear theists claim that they have a full understanding of the a-theist argument and find it to be ludicrous. Then when I ask them what atheist ideas they have been exposed to and critically reviewed they invariably admit that they have had no exposure.

The reason for this is that atheism is, above all else, based in logic and science. We are those who choose to say, “I will not believe anything without proof” and “A desire for something to be true is neither a reason nor proof that it is true”. We are those who have a passion for understanding the world around us while your ilk blind their eyes and pray to an unknowable, non-existent, impotent, and irrelevant deity.

Were it not for atheists throughout history we would still live in Europe, hunt witches, and believe the world was flat. The list of atheists throughout history is a veritable who’s who of the world’s great scientists, scholars, and inventors.

You believe in the axiom “by their fruits ye shall know them”. I would have you apply that to religion throughout history. What good has it brought? How has it improved lives? Do religion’s good fruits (the few that there are) really make up for The Crusades? The Inquisition? War? The suppression of science and education? The suppression and domination of women? The persecution of non-white peoples? The persecution of Jews? Witch hunts? Abortion clinic bombings? Terrorism?

The list goes on and on. And on. And so could I.

The bottom line here is that religion is fundamentally bad because it (1) promotes persecution and (2) preaches lies. The fact that it panders to the majority is persecutes only a small portion of an individual population is hardly acceptable; particularly in our global society.

I would challenge you to read something other than the Book of Mormon when trying to determine whether god is real and the Church is true. “The God Delusion” is probably the best book I’ve read to this point.

Finally, above all else, remember the following:

http://dogtoe.com/weblog/wp-content/uploads/2007/01/arguing_on_the_internet.jpg

5:37 PM
Dave said...

I am too tired to go on with this. Does it strike anyone ironic that all of this is under a post about boobs?

12:48 AM

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