I don't know how you feel about nudity but it shocks my Christian sensibilities and is really hurtful to my best friend, Jesus himself. I talk to him at least three times a day. Pornography is the root of all evil in our society.
That's why I'm posting these photos of Lindsay Lohan basically nude, taken sometime recently for a big spread in New York Magazine. She's trying to be Marilyn Monroe, but since Marilyn was the equivalent of the Kennedys (i.e. an overblown douchebag that the Baby Boom Generation still can't get over almost fifty years later) I'm willing to bet, even without seeing them, that the photos of sweet innocent Lindsay are a thousand times better than every photo ever taken of Marilyn Monroe.
Jesus Christ how many fucking books can you write about one stupid family? Coming soon: "The Shitting Years: All the Dumps Jack and Robert Kennedy took, with a few big ones from Ted and the Cousins as well." Every baby-boomer in America would buy that book. A guaranteed best-seller. They even called this spread in NYMag "The Last Shitting." I'm not kidding; go look it up.
Monday, February 18, 2008
Lindsay Lohan is Naked
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14 comments:
There is a god. These pictures are proof he loves us.
There is lots of proof that God exists and he loves us, just check out the first 1000 free high quality pictures and video samples on FTV.com. He even loves those of us who like this kind of thing but refuse to pay actual money for it.
Dude you must have missed all of the new “evidence” that some D.A. in Dallas just found in a vault that proves there is a conspiracy surrounding the death of JFK. I too am perplexed at peoples fascination with these old money f**ks. These are the same people who can’t let Princess Di go. Someone sell these people more cats so they won’t be so lonely.
Jackie is not even remotely hot, her face it totally jacked and her body was a solid 5.
BTW - Lindsay is a false wooget.
To which Jackie are you referring? Because I knew (and by "knew" I mean "repeatedly f8cked") this one chick named Jackie in HS. She was beautiful and had a fantastic body. More to the point, she was my first "friend with benefits". We used to skip class to go copulate in my car.
Bruce Springstein was right.
Jackie O is the Jackie I am referring too. Everyone over the age of 50 thinks JFKs widow was a hot piece of ass. To me she is just a chubby gravy trainer with a jacked up face.
The Jackie you 'knew' in High School sounds like a real trooper. God bless all the Jackies in this world.
Sex in cars is an interesting topic. To me it is all about the car. My buckfuddy in High School used to borrow her moms station wagon and throw in some extra blankets and a sleeping bag. That was like the Ritz Carlton of sex cars for me back in the day. The seats would lay totally flat, it was just like a bed.
My car back then was an old Mustang which had its challenges. The seats would not recline so I would have to lay down between the seats with my shoulders on the back seat and a towel under my ass to soften the blows of the transmission hump on my tail bone. The only thing that made that car fun was that when I was bored I figured out I could position the rear view mirror in a way that made it possible to watch my own money shot.
What car were you rocking back in the day wogget? Ever make a mess in a buddies car? I left a spooge spot the size of my head on a buddies front seat once. We still laugh about that one when it comes up. Sex in cars, Bruce was right.
BTW - Why did a post get deleted?
1983 Nissan Sentra. Manual transmission. The passenger seat fully reclined.
As to the deletions, because of my unparalleled virility sometimes errors occur when I post. I think it’s because my computer—nay, the internet—can’t handle my masculinity. When I see that said errors have occurred I like to correct them.
I can’t say that I’ve ever spooged in a friend’s car. However, I did once schtupe a chick in my best friend’s daughter’s room and tore the place apart. I frequently engage in very animated lovemaking. And by “animated lovemaking” I mean “aggressive boning”. And by “aggressive boning” I mean sweat-drenched, throw her around the room, scratches and bite marks, broken shit everywhere, the-human-body-shouldn’t-bend-that-way f8cking. At any rate my friend was not happy. Fortunately his daughter was at her whore mother’s house (I can’t wait to meet her—the mother, not the daughter) and he had time to clean up the place before her next visit. I felt horrible.
[sigh]
Alas, I fear that I may have exaggerated this and other posts somewhat. I mean, to be entirely honest, he’s not my best friend. And I didn’t feel bad at all.
Wow wooget, for awhile there I thought we had something in common. As it turns out your are on a completely different plane then I am.
Can I live vicariously through you?
BTW - What is with you guys and Sentras. Was it Grey? Didn't you have a '93 Sentra Dude?
BTW - Wooget when you make a typo just leave it, don't delete the post. It will make you seem more human and less like a raving maniac who likes rough sex.
The only person in this world who looks down on people who make spelling mistakes is Dude. I do not know why he is like that. He just likes to feel better about himself and putting down others and looking down on other people in general help him do that. Sometimes I misspell things or mess up my grammer on purpose just to make the Dude feel better and less angry.
Although late to posting on the original content, I'd still like to comment. Although high-school car sex is so interesting, I'd like to say that I wish Lindsay Lohan's freckles would sprial into one huge freckle that then implodes under the weight and forms a maximally spinning low-mass freckle hole that will suck her into space for all eternity.
I myself HAVE actually had the opportunity to be in the presence of one (and alive at the time) Kennedy. None other than John F. Kennedy Jr. This is a true story.
Approx. 10 years ago, while still living in CT working at one in a line of many crappy software companies, I was dating a gentleman who lived on Cape Cod. Said gentleman (I say gentleman because he was 16 yrs. older than I - a whole OTHER story) was good friends with a guy named Barry Clifford. Barry Clifford is well known on the Cape for discovering a sunken pirate ship off the coast of the Cape. http://www.nationalgeographic.com/ngkids/0004/whydah/whydah_3.html
Anywho, I was visiting then man-toy on the Cape when Barry called and invited us to join him and "John" for dinner. Not knowing who this "John" was, we ventured down to Hyannis to meet "John" at a local restaurant.
Now, I don't care who the fuck you are, male or female, or how cool you try to be, but when you see JFK Jr. walking towards you, your body will convulse and you start sucking in your gut, fixing your hair and pinching your cheeks for a little blush. I mean, we all did it. So after greetings, we enter the totally booked restaurant with John-John and get a table - IMMEDIATELY. Waitresses were freaking, people were staring, mother's found it necessary to walk their kids to the bathroom (located on the opposite side of the place) by our table, it was lunacy.
Anyway, we eat then JJ say's, "do you all want to come to the house to watch the fight?" (I don't recall which fight) At this point, I pull may-toy aside and ask, does he mean the "Compound". Oh yes.
So, we all get in our cars and stop at the "packy" (that's the term for liquor store in New England) and JJ buys a case of Red Stripe. An odd choice, but who am I to judge the exquisite taste of one JFK Jr.? We then head over the Kennedy family home - yes, the one you've seen in photos, 60 minutes, etc. JJ waives us past the guard, then their black slave/butler comes out and greets us. We are now IN the home built by bootlegging. We move to a small TV room off the living room. Now, the living room and TV room are covered in photos of the family - it's as if Rose Kennedy's family albums exploded and landed on the walls, coffee tables, chairs, etc. There are pictures EVERYWHERE. It was a museum of Kennedy history. After coming back to reality, I sobered my self up and thought, "What can I take to prove I was here?". I went to the bathroom and thought about soap, but I had no where to put it. And what if JJ caught me?! Oh my god, that would be awesome. Anyway, we all started watching the fight. JJ was laying on the floor fascing the TV. And now comes the best part of this story - he proceeded to place his hand in his pants and scratch his nether regions - in front of all of us. Now, his hand did not make a short visit. It was having a slumber party. I could not take my eyes off the spectacle. Thank god he was facing the TV and I was sitting behind him.
So, that's my JFK Jr. story. Hot, famous, dead guy.
We should send Lindsay a “tube of dark matter” in the mail and label it ‘Freckle Vanishing Crème’. One shot of that stuff and your problems are fini.
That was a fantastic story. You are telling me that you hung out with a guy who finds Pirate treasure for a living and another guy who could bang any girl on the planet with 5 minutes notice? How cool are you? Very cool I say. I for sure do not need to see a picture of your boobs now. I know exactly how hot you are. Not hot enough for the guy who finds Pirate Treasure or for JJ but hot enough for the guy who hangs out with JJ and the Pirate Treasure guy. That is still pretty hot, you should be proud Elayne.
I cannot say I enjoyed the comment as much as when you were talking about your breasts but it was in fact a great story about you meeting and hanging out with arguably one of the most famous U.S. Americans at that time. The only way you could have a story that would get a bigger rise out of all of the losers who read People Magazine and herd cats is if you had a story about a lesbian encounter with Princess Di. (If you do have that story or any similar stories please share them at once.)
That must have been surreal sitting in that house watching JJ play with his junk. I saw a movie with Daryl Hannah where she is hanging out in Greece with this guy who is a character loosely based on JJ and they meet another chic and the three of them cavort and copulate for an entire summer in one of the most beautiful places on the planet. I wanted to have sex with JJ (along with the two women) when this movie was over. Say what you want, that guy was a God to the ladies. Look at you Elayne you probably were wet clean trough your shorts and on to the couch just watching him juggle his balls.
Your man whore was no dummy, you were probably so worked up by the time he got you home you f**ked him silly all the while thinking about JJ tossing his own chef salad. Those older guys are not stupid they know they need a little help getting the young lasses in the right state of mind. You were totally played Elayne and you loved the whole thing. That is smooth, I do not hate the player or the game and neither did you.
JJ is so hot he not only gets laid he gets everyone within shouting distance laid. I’ll bet every girl in that lunch place gave it like they had never given it before when they got home. The poor schlubs on the receiving end of all of those wonder f**ks did not even know who to thank. I guess we should all raise a glass to a guy like JJ. In some small way he actually made the world a better place. Not by being born in to privilege or publishing a shitty magazine but by being so incredibly hot that his hotness actually had a halo effect and helped those around him.
BTW- It is a well known fact that all of the so called slaves/butlers who have worked on the Kennedy compound are of Jamaican decent. When the fat one killed that girl near the bridge they cut a deal with all of the help where mum was the word as long as they kept a case of red stripe in the fridge. That is why JJ loves the Red Stripe he has been swilling that stuff since he was a small lad. You were witness to one of the longest standing “hush money” bribes in history
Despite her relentless lies, I fear I have fallen in love with Elayne.
Because the Dude gets nearly 30 people a day looking at this blog, ranking it like 9 millionth out of 9 million and 2 blogs in the 'sphere', I'm usually too busy to comment on comments.
But I can't resist commenting here. Elayne your story was incredible. I loved it. I can't believe I'd never heard that story before, at least I don't think I had. Gentlemen, now you know why I said Elayne is one of the coolest chicks ever. Now you know that I exaggerated not.
And Dave, your interpretation of what then occurred after the story was hilarious. Hilarious because it was probably true. You have sent me into thinking about a new realm that I hadn't previously considered: The realm of hot chicks banging their dudes because they're inspired to bang a famous person that is untouchable. And that those dudes probably know it, so they put themselves in situations where the untouchable is around, knowing what it will get them later.
The whole world was indeed better off when JJ was living. Too bad his bones are now being consumed by worms. Nevertheless, he lived large throughout his life and more power to him. The Kennedys suck but who am I to judge? I'm just the Dude.
And Wooget, your final comment was great. A wonderful denouement to a fascinating exchange by Dave and Elayne.
Elayne, please let us know if Dave was right.
Look men, first of all my comments are meant to break up the monotony of "white mormom guy porn" stories that flood this site. Don't expect me to share my sex life (past, present, or in your case - imaginary) with you. Don't get me wrong, I love reading your comments and I am not one to be put off by discussions involving intercourse, fellatio, or anal.
Dude, if this is what you are asking - ss for the theory that hanging around a celebrity will make you more attractive - let's call it "appeal by location", we would all agree it's a proven fact that the answer yes. Just look at some of the friends of celebrities. Half of which you would not want to screw with someone else's schlong or vagina.
Dave, by the way, the last time I watched South Park was the first run of the Mr. Hanky episode. Your literary jealousy and own lack of originality is showing. I am not a plagarizer.
Heidi-fucking-ho, bitches.
Elayne let’s get one thing straight right here and now. There is absolutely no literary jealousy that originates from me and is directed at you. As I have expressed several times, I could not be happier then when I pull up this blog and see that there is a post from someone else besides me and the Dude. The only thing that is better then seeing other posts is seeing that there is a post from you. I am going to follow the Dudes lead hear and just shift into full ass kissing high gear and say again for the record that without the Taco there is no Fiesta. I relish your comments, I pray every day that you will somehow find more time in the day to waste posting your incredible stories and insights on this shitty blog. All hail SHIVA GOD OF ALL THIS IS GOOD AND RIGHT WITH THIS BLOG, MAY I NEVER OFFEND OR IN ANY SMALL WAY DISCOURAGE HER FROM SHARING HER STORIES AND COMMENTS WITH US THE UNDESERVING SLOBBERING IDIOTS THAT COWER BEFORE HER SPLENDOR.
One thing is bothering me though. Why would you assume that I am white just because I am Mormon? That “white Mormon guy porn” blast was un called for. (At least that is what I think you meant to say, I have no idea what a ‘mormom’ is, and the thought of mormom or ‘more mom’ porn is totally disgusting.) There are literally dozens of black people in the Mormon Church. There are three black Mormon children living on my small Utah street alone. They may have white parents but it still counts. We might not be able to convert any of our African brothers and sisters but there in no law that says we can’t adopt them in.
Also, saying I am unoriginal cut me to my core Elayne. If there is anyone that should know of the fragile nature of the male ego it would be you. Why are you so reckless with your insults? Try to remember all of the guys who have ended up crying after making love to or dating you Elayne. They were trying to tell you something. The least you can do is let us ‘think’ we are good at something and you really do like something we do, say, think, or write. We know we are total shit compared to you but you do not have to point it out to us with such clarity and in front of others.
I feel you are amiss and you have misdiagnosed what is really going on here. It is the Dude that is jealous, as he should be. I have known the Dude for a long time and if there is one character flaw that the Dude has it is his competitive and driven nature. Let me tell you a story about me and the Dude back in the day.
The Dude and I have always had a lot in common and are surprisingly similar in many ways except that I am taller, better looking, have more money, am smarter, funnier, have a bigger penis…well you get the point. The only reason that the Dude and I were able to be such good friends is that I have always been comfortable with allowing the Dude to think that he is actually smarter and better looking and so on and so forth. (I never really knew how the Dude dealt with the obvious realities of my superior, height, looks, intellect, and penis…we will have to ask the Dude, contrary to popular belief I do not have all the answers.)
If you have known the Dude for any amount of time like I have you will know that it is very difficult for the Dude to maintain meaningful friendships. For various reasons which I do understand but do not have the time to explain here the Dude has alienated most of the people in his life who at one point or another considered him a friend. He is currently working on pushing people out of his life who actually love him and care deeply for him like his parents and family. Like I mentioned I do not have the time or energy to explain all of the intricacies of this behavior in this comment, but I will share this one experience that I had with the Dude that was my first glimpse of this part of his complex character.
We had both just returned from “two years in China managing over 20 individuals as part of a large sales organization over seas” (This is and example of the bull shit you spin about your mission when you are writing a resume to get an internship in international business and you do not have any real business experience.) The Dude and I were both attending the same college and living together. We were very close and I considered him one of my best friends at the time. The Dude became aware of this incredible internship opportunity over seas involving China and was in the process of applying when he told me a little bit about it. I think I said something like, “Wow Dude that sounds really cool, maybe I will apply.”
Well that was all it took, it was like I had just told the Dude that I had killed his entire family, raped his sisters and mother, ripped off their heads with my bare hands, and shit down their necks. What I am trying to say is that the Dude was very upset. This internship was something that the Dude really wanted and me simply expressing a passing interest in it set him off. I kept a daily journal back then and the only reason I even recall this event is that I happened to read about it a week ago when by chance I found my old journal and red it.
What I wrote in my journal set me back, I had totally forgotten about this until I read a brief statement I had made in my journal about how silly it was that the Dude go so worked up about this. This one small event literally almost cost me my friendship with the Dude. I recounted in my journal how insanely angry he was that I would even consider challenging him for this opportunity. He would not let it go until I finally agreed that I would not apply. I doubt that even if I said I was going to do it that I would have actually applied. I was then and am still very lazy and I say I will do all kinds of things that I never really do. Like telling the people I work for now that I am getting my work done when all I am really doing is wasting my time and their money writing comments on this blog.
This thing consumed the Dude until I promised him I would not apply. Some of the damage caused by all of his anger lingered for a few weeks but eventually we got past this silly thing. Dave did not get the internship and the whole thing was just a huge waste of bad energy. I did learn something about the Dude though. Do not mess with him or threaten him and his perceived dominance in all things in any way big or small. You do this at the peril of your friendship and association with one pretty cool cat.
So let me get to the point because it relates to your earlier mistaken observation concerning me and you and the Dude and jealousy. You are someone the Dude truly values as a friend. If he ever found out about all of the explicit emails and text messages we send each other privately it would not be good. I was doing a good job of feigning an adversarial relationship between you and I Elayne and hiding our true feelings for each other for the greater good. The problem is you are over doing it a little and hurting my feelings.
I know you made me promise to never reveal to the Dude what has happened but I can’t take it any more. I don’t care if the Dude flies into another jealous rage because someone is once again challenging his world view of how things should be. Let the Dude be jealous Elayne, I don’t care any more.
What now bitches?
(The preceding post is an attempt to goad the Dude into posting more in the comments section, he never writes much here and I am pissed about that. Get off your lazy ass and write more Dude. You know I would never choose some bitch over our friendship, bros before ho’s you know that. I just strung Elayne along until I realized she would probably never have sex with me. Sorry Elayne, no more off line communication, if you can’t say it here it should not be said.)
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