I'd Kill for some Potato Chips

Whenever I need to skin me a yummy moose for dinner my trusty glock is always at the ready. Or when my bitch smarts off about me hitting her, a little pistol-waving shuts her right up. And no doubt all of us are assaulted daily on the street by a gun-toting rapist. Probably a black man. So I need a semi-automatic bazooka to defend what's mine, or perhaps I need several. Several, I need several.

And then there are the really important moments when guns are just so critical, like shooting my 9 year-old sister in the face when she won't give me a bag of potato chips. Some shitty local news site in South Carolina says:

Dillon County deputies say an argument between a brother and a sister over a bag of potato chips led to a shooting. WBTW-TV reports that the incident happened Tuesday night. According to deputies, a 10-year-old boy shot his nine-year-old sister in the face with a shotgun. Investigators say the two were arguing over the chips. Authorities say at some point the boy left the room, got a shotgun out of his father's room, and shot the girl in the face.

Good thing that bitch got what was coming to her. Little 9 year-old whore, keeping chips from her brother like that. Thank god a gun was at the ready only a few feet away, making it easy for our brilliant hero to dispense swift justice. The land of the free and the home of the brave. My President is Charlton Heston.