Heard on the street earlier today. And by "the street" I mean this blog, since I have so much street cred (thanks Dave):
I don’t know about electing a president with bags under their eyes but we might just elect one with bags under her collarbone. I do not like Hillary.
And then there are these jokes, which aren't as funny but at least you've heard of the dudes that said them. Jesus Christ the ones about bags are funny:
"I don't know if you heard this or not but Fred Thompson has dropped out of the presidential race. Don't worry about Fred, he can always go back to his prestigious fake law firm. ... Fred spent all day packing the bags under his eyes." --David Letterman
"Anybody see the Republican debate last night? ... It was late getting started. They had to go through the bags under Fred Thompson's eyes." --David Letterman
"Fred Thompson is also being criticized for being out of touch, because in a recent interview, he referred to
"Tonight's Republican debate will be the first one that former Senator Fred Thompson will attend. Thompson says he wanted to attend the previous debates, but he got stuck driving his wife to cheerleading practice." --Conan O'Brien
"Good evening. I'm Fred Thompson. How about a round of applause people? Your damn hands broken? ... I entered this horse race a little later than many of my opponents. And well, frankly, that really isn't paying off. I thought that when I announced that I would immediately be the frontrunner, but instead since my announcement, my numbers have been going down faster than Larry Craig in a
"Rudy Giuliani and Fred Thompson are now tied neck and neck in national polls. Actually, you know, if they were on the ticket together, that would be a tough team for the Democrats to beat. I mean, if they could just get all their ex-wives to vote for them." --Jay Leno
"Former Senator Fred Thompson, who announced he's a presidential candidate on our show last week, is out on the campaign trail. ... Thompson's wife is a very attractive woman. She is 24 years younger than he is. In fact, he's got four Secret Service agents keeping an eye on the two Secret Service agents who are keeping an eye on her" --Jay Leno
"Did you know this? Interesting story, Senator Thompson married his first wife when he was 17, and, ironically, married his second wife when she was 17." --Jay Leno
"Senator Fred Thompson is on the show tonight, and he says he has something major to announce. In
"Fred Thompson is all over the news. ... He'll challenge Mitt Romney, John McCain and Rudy Giuliani for the Republican nomination. Apparently he's very popular, but, here's why Fred Thompson is not going to be our president: very simple, that's his wife. [on screen: A picture of Fred Thompson with wife Jeri.]
"Fred Thompson was 17 when he first got married, which caused a huge scandal in his small hometown in 
1 comments:
You know what is really great about all of this is that even though Thompson looks like he does he can still lay the pipe to a very young and solid “7” on a nightly basis. This could never happen if the roles were reversed. It would totally suck to be a chick. If you have even the slightest sign of flab or the smallest flaw you had better be married or a serious sugar mommy (Demi) or you will get no play what so ever.
Look at Fred, that guy is a mess, bald, baggy face, not slim in the least, and look at the knob gobbler on his arm. This reality is an inspiration to me and it should cast a pall over any woman who takes the time to actually think about something other then how they look. It is good to be a dude, and by extension it must be really good to be ‘the’ Dude. Smile Dudes where ever you may be and be happy.
Post a Comment