Heath Ledger is Dead

CNN.com is reporting that actor Heath Ledger has died. Heath Ledger banged thousands of chicks in the last 15 years and I never get to do any of that. So he lived a fuller life in his short 28 years than I'll live in like 100. But I'm going to live a long time and he didn't so I guess I'll get the last laugh, even though no one will laugh with me because I'm an asshole.

By the way, in "The Patriot" Heath Ledger gave his life for his country against the evil Redcoats, and pretty much everybody that fought for the good guys in the Revolutionary War has been baptized by the Mormon Church, like George Washington, Abraham Lincoln, Jackie Kennedy, Geraldine Ferraro, Che Guevara, Betsy Ross and the Barber of Seville. They're all Mormons now. So after an old man uses some oil to touch a naked young man who's acting like Heath Ledger in the Mormon Temple, all those people will probably welcome him into the Celestial Kingdom. So it all works out in the end.