ESPN has announced that Dana Jacobsen, hostess of several shows that no one's ever seen like Cold Pizza and I Have the Largest Gums in the World, has been suspended from work for a week for saying "Fuck Jesus" when she was giving a toast to some colleagues at a private work party.
The party was in the shit-hot town of Atlantic City and was for white-hot announcer colleagues Mike (Golic) & Mike (someone). Mike Golic is a Notre Dame alum. Anyway, according to sources, Dana, who has the biggest gums in the world, was probably drunk and during her toast said "Fuck Notre Dame," "Fuck Touchdown Jesus," and "Fuck Jesus." Then she probably said something like "Who's uglier me or Rachel Nichols?" and no one could agree and the whole place erupted into chaos.
Apparently now some Catholics are mad because she made Jesus cry, and they forced her to issue an apology. My mom's not Catholic but this would hurt her as well. Jesus is her best friend. Donahue's pathetic statement reads:
"My remarks about Notre Dame were foolish and insensitive. I respect all religions and did not mean anything derogatory by my poorly chosen words."
Oh yeah? Do you respect the Fundamentalist Mormon Church? How about the Hale Bopp dudes? Now she'll probably go into rehab and blame it on that. Everyone else does. Is there a rehab center for masturbating?
Here's some photos of other female reporters that I might recommend they replace Jacobsen with. I'm sure they all love Jesus more than she does, and that's important. From the first to the last: Charity Hodges - Speed TV (uhhhhh), Erin Andrews - ESPN, Melissa Stark - ABC
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Wednesday, January 23, 2008
Gums is Out for a Week
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3 comments:
DAMN, another Philly goes down in her prime. Was the jockey hurt? You know once they take a spill like this it is rare that they ever fully recover. It is sometimes best to just take them out back and put a bullet in their gums. I would say put a bullet in her head but you try shooting at that head without hitting those gums.
Why do many women in and around sports look like horses? Have you seen the derby and stakes runners in that farce they call the WNBA? Lobo, Lisa Lesley, any chick over 5’10” what is the deal? Stern has ridden those ponies long enough can we just put a bullet in that too?
It is funny that Mike & Mike in the Morning and that little Mares’ show Cold Pile of Shit…I mean Pizza are all part of the same tragic “F**k incident”. I hate both of these shows. I wish Dana would have thrown a “Fat F**k bomb at that idiot Golic. He is a John Kruc wanna-be slob ex-pro poser shit lick. John Kruc has more authenticity and heart in his pinky finger then that sloth Golic has in his entire Notre Dame loving flabby 300lb + body. I wonder if she is in more trouble for saying “F**k Jesus” or for cursing Notre Dame. Catholics could care less about what you say about Jesus but mess with their beloved Fighting Irish and you get the papal horns.
Did that Clydesdale Dana really say “I respect all religions” a day after she screamed “F**k Jesus?” Now that is coming correct with some respect wouldn’t you say? How can we give her a pass on a rant like the one she got off? She should have come clean and just admitted that she always had a thing for the Prince of Peace and that what she really meant to say was that she wanted to actually F**k Jesus. Wow, he should bring a bridle, a saddle, and some oats she will go nuts for oats.
Dude - a rehab center for masturbation? That really is a stupid thought. Do we need rehab from good food, good music, and everything else that makes life sweet, enjoyable, and more importantly tolerable? Now if there were such a place and it was for men you could show video of the WNBA for days on end and men would forget they even had penises.
Now on to the women that don’t look like horses. First off let me give big ups to the OG of this crowd Melissa Starks who started it all, at least for me. She is hot and when she opens her mouth smart things come out. That is more then you can say for that stupid cunt she replaced on MNF. Now that cunt was way hotter then Miss Stark could ever hope to be but she was just too stupid. When she opens her mouth the only thing that comes out is a huge glob of spooge left over from her audition. The cunts name is Lisa Guerrero, I will email you a picture of her and the neanderthal pro baseball player she married, Scott Erickson. This dick wad gene pool lottery winner actually dated Leann Tweeden BEFORE he married Lisa Guerrero. Do a google search on Leann Dude, she was also a “Sports Reporter” although she was on Fox and in on the joke.
Oh my god. That was one of the top 10 rants I've seen in awhile. Can someone please get you a writing contract? There's really nothing to respond to here. It's just great writing. Thanks for the laughs.
I think we might have to do a post about Leanne Tweeden. 20-something women wearing essentially nothing in airbrushed photos is about as great as it gets.
On another subject, have you noticed that there are at least 14 total dumbshits in the world? All of them looked at this blog yesterday. 14 people. This fucker is hitting the stratosphere. Now if some of them would make comments.
I noticed that our numbers are way up last night. Good job dude, only 186 more to go until we donminate stashaslife. That blog is like a train that derailed in a lake of estrogen. It is all over the place and needs help but now that you got off I am not going near it.
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