The Dude loves all real sports, which does not include NASCAR, which is for fucking pussies, and the Winter Olympics, which suck my ass.
But baseball is a real sport, and The Dude loved Nolan Ryan even though he pitched for the god damn Houston Astros. And since he loved Nolan Ryan, the Dude also loved Roger Clemens. By the way, the Dude also liked that fucking fat ass David Wells. Holy shit is that guy a joke. But he's funny.
But now the Dude hates Roger Clemens. The guy can inject himself with steroids until he looks like Lyle Alzado for all anyone cares, but how many times can you expect the public to believe your fucking lies? ESPN.com is now reporting that this fucktard is being referred to the Justice Department for prosecution because he lied to congress under oath a couple of weeks ago. You can read the request here. As you know, of course, Clemens is an innocent man wrongly accused. Like Bill Clinton, that douchebag. And by the way, Congress is mostly made up of fucking douchebags. A lot of douchebags.
One time I was walking down the street and an old lady got in my way so I just put a total beat-down on her ass. She could barely move when I was done with her. I'm very powerful. Then someone said, "Hey Dude it's bad to beat up old ladies" and I said, "I didn't touch no old lady." And he said, "I was just here. I watched you do it." And I said, "I didn't do it. It didn't happen." And then I stuck my index finger in front of my nose and said "You caan't see me, nya nya nya nya nya nya." And I was right: I really had disappeared. Because all you have to do is wish for something and it happens. That's the way it works for me and Roger. True story. I was there.
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
ROGER CLEMENS IS A DOUCHEBAG
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2 comments:
What everyone fails to see here is the real issue which is the environmental impact of all these douchebags running around and eventually clogging the landfills for millions of years.
Douchebags are made of a secret non-biodegradable plastic like material composed of lies, f**king lies, leftover plastic from plastic surgery, vanity, pride, drugs, wealth, power, and corruption.
The Douchebag is a force to be reckoned with. These little guys are everywhere and all around us. There are small douchebags like the ones most of us work with and commute with on the clogged freeways of this fair country and then there are the really big douchebags like most politicians and public figures.
Every so often there is a Douchebag so big that it cannot be ignored. Tom Cruise comes to mind as does the aforementioned Roidger Clemens. The destructive force contained in one of these large Douchebags is legion. We cannot ignore this problem. Something must be done.
You cannot just sit in you little office or house and think this Douchebag problem does not exist. You cannot say to yourself, self, why should I care, I am not a Douchebag and therefore do not need to worry about this issue.
There is also no way to just wish it or pray it away. I know you think if you just wish hard enough we can go back to the old days where there were more Ass holes and less Douchebags running around.
Ass Holes do not have the same impact and are far less harmful to the environment. Ass Holes are in fact biodegradable and never get too big (unless they spend too much time in the adult entertainment industry). Most Ass Holes are small and totally fun to f**k with. There is nothing fun about f**king with a Douchebag and there seems to be not limit to how big these sons of bitches can get (See Tom Cruise).
Times have changed my friends, there is no going back. We must move forward and confront the Douchebag issue head on. This is one reason I am a huge Obama supporter.
Hillary wants to give all the Douchebags jobs and free Health Care that is paid for with magic health care pixie dust. She will give some of the biggest Douchebags jobs in high government and even her Cabinet.
Obama is new to Washington and therefore even though he has much less experience lets look at the bright side, he does not know or owe favors to as many huge Douchebags.
This is a huge plus, he can confront the Douchebag issue head on, yes he can. So a vote for Hillary is a vote for Douchebags, Obama ’08 all the way.
Baseball is the greatest sport on earth (sorry, Earth). Roger Clemens wants to be the best at the greatest sport on Earth. I can understand. But see, while this douche bag was busy being the fake greatest pitcher at the greatest sport, there is the greatest pitcher out there somewhere.
See, before it was Pedro Martinez. I mean come on, the guy gardens in the off season. That's a real man.
Last year there was Papelbon, C.C. Sabathia.
So they are out there and these fake, hopped up douches need to be put out of baseball. It's easy to do.
The real losers though are us though. The people who are supposed to represent (Congress) us are doing the opposite. War? Oil? Inflation? No, these take the back seat where we get fucked while they investigate Baseball. A sport that if it went away tomorrow would give people more time in their day (I know that because it is the best sport so I must watch it, it's complex, I know).
Still, Congress should suck my ass. I wish we could organize and do some good in this world. This is why I want Obama to work out and mot just be full of words (that's a tangent I don't need to start on).
Anyway, as long as "The Tyra Banks Show" we will not organize because I hate these people and anyone who told me to not trust their judgment, I would have to follow.
As well, at the end, Football in the snow is must watch.
I love baseball. Is it April yet?
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