Valentine's Day is a very special day in which all men must deliver expensive gifts to the ladies that bitch at them the other 364 days a year, while the women don't do shit. Or maybe that's just me because I'm an asshole. Anyway, tonight while you're crying over the lack of ww4m personals on Craig's List I'll be getting anal, anal and more anal. Too bad for you, dipshit. Yeah, so maybe the anal is from a hole I cut in my pillowcase but it's all the same if you use enough lube and turn out all the lights.
Anyway, you've made this the 2,081,945th most popular blog on earth, how great is that? You're part of something big and you know it. You're a winner.
P.S. The Valentine below is probably a lesbian.
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Happy Valentine's Day from the Dude
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
6 comments:
As a woman who enjoys a thoughful token every now and then, I stand in allegiance with you. Valentine's Day is just another corporate scam to get people to buy crap. My ex-husband (Dude you may recall) was a pro at this holiday. I'll never forget the Dyson vacuum cleaner I received one Valentine's Day. A true testament to his autistic-like sentimentality. I would have been more excited if he gave me a copy of DOS.
Luckily (or sadly - who doesn't want a "tube of dark energy"!?!), I never received any of these:
http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?f=/g/a/2008/02/13/notes021308.DTL
?
Elayne I do not appreciate you challenging my status as the first comment poster. I will let it go this time because once again your comment was very good. Did you just say that your ex gave you a vacuum cleaner as a symbol of his love for you? I would never do that…those Dysons cost some serious jack I would never spend that much on anyone but myself.
I loved the article you posted. Mark Morford is a fellow word ninja. I am so grateful you have helped me find him. His deft skills both thrill me and threaten my security and self worth. Like all ninjas who accidentally meet I am not sure if I should attack him as my mortal enemy or embrace him as a brother in the cause. I choose to embrace Mark Morford, I loved this article.
This little gem spoke to my soul, “Also worn by assorted meth addicts and soccer moms who married far too young and who still reminisce about being a second-string cheerleader in 1987. Also, monkeys.” In 1987 I was fantasizing about my gym teacher while having copious amounts of sexual relations with my girlfriend. I never bought either one a necklace like the one mentioned above…but I thought about doing it. So very funny.
I do have to call him out on one thing, Mark mentions something called a “tub of dark energy” (not ‘tube’ as you misquoted in your comment elayne…rookie mistake). I think the proper term is ‘dark matter’. This is stuff only Jesus can handle. I know this because I helped him move some out of his basement once in my pre-life. He uses the shit to create worlds. If you were enlightened like me you would know this and spot the mistake and not highlight it (or should I say misquote it) in your comment.
Dave, I appreciate your status as "first-poster" considering you were the one and only poster on this blog until I decided to waste my work hours and witty commentary on this site. The gauntlet has been thrown down.
That was no "rookie mistake". I actually do want a tube of dark energy. I'm not greedy, nor that literal. Oh, and a Diamond pendant from Zales for my American Idol audition.
I've got a "tube or dark energy" for you elayne. Tucker Max used it on the first girl he ever had anal sex with.
Please read the chapter in his book (or on his website) about the first time he had anal sex. It is the most I have ever laughed in my life after reading something.
Tucker set the bar, we are just posers fighting over the scraps.
BTW- I am so glad there is someone else posting on this blog now.
FTR, Tucker Max is a tool. But that post is one of the most inhumanly funny things I have ever read. I especially love when she runs from the apartment wearing only the shit-laden sheet from his bed and somehow manages to travel 30 miles to her house. Oh how I wish that she would tell the world where she is now.
My guess wooget is that after that experience with Tucker she lost every shred of self respect she had and is now doing Donkey shows in TJ.
Post a Comment